(We now join an episode of Involuntary Game Makeover already in progress.)
Laurie: -and let’s see who we can find-
Bert: Oh, oh, yes-
Laurie: -definite candidate right here; Good evening, miss, what’s your name?
Laurie: What’s your name, miss?
Laurie: Well, that’s certainly unique. (makes a face at the camera)
Bert: Okay, well, let’s take a look at you…
Laurie: Oh dear God…who picked out those textures?!
Planitia: My programmer…?
Bert: Programmer art.
Laurie: In this day and age.
Bert: One would think he cared more.
Planitia (irate): Hey, my programmer loves me!
Laurie: If he loved you, sweetie, he wouldn’t let you go out looking like that.
Planitia: Okay, okay. They’re old textures and they don’t really match. I know, I’m a fashion disaster.
Laurie: Oh, no, dear. You’re not a fashion disaster. You’re not even a fashion catastrophe. You, my dear, are a fashion apocalypse. If we let you walk around like that –
Bert: It will eventually unmake the universe.
Planitia (sobbing): He did the best he could!
Laurie: Well, now it’s time to see what a professional can do. Jón?
(Enter Jón Kristinsson riding a dazzling white horse. His shirt is unbuttoned down to his navel, showing much manly chest hair.)
Jón (in a vaguely Scandinavian accent): These are for you, my dear. I can’t wait to see how you look in them.
Planitia (swooning): Th-thank you, sir.
Bert: All right, let’s hustle her off to the dressing room; the show’s only a half-hour.
Laurie: And it turns out that your programmer gave us these accessories to complete your outfit.
Planitia: Gasp! Lighting! And alpha blending! And moving water! I’ve been wishing for these for ages! I told you he loved me!
Bert: Okay, sweetums, ready to dazzle us?
Planitia: Hang on a second, just let me finish adjusting these UV coordinates…all right, here I come!
Planitia: Oh my god! I’m beautiful! I’m beautiful!
Laurie: You always were sweetie. You always were.
And now you know what I’ve been doing for the past month. Graphics programming is deadly addictive stuff. Once you get a taste you do not want to stop because even small changes can have a big effect on how your game looks. Fortunately, I’m now extremely happy with how the game looks. I never thought it could look this good, and it’s almost all due to Jón Kristinsson, who volunteered to provide me with some greatly improved textures free of charge. He is a prince among men and smells real nice too. Check out everything on his site, and then hire him for your next project, ’cause he’s teh awesmoe!
So, the good news is that Planitia looks much better.
The bad news is when Jón waved those textures in my face and led me down the garden path of graphics, it seriously distracted me from my gameplay programming.
Thus, Planitia is probably going to end up pushed back again.
But it looks so pretty I couldn’t help it. And if I just added another layer of textures…no, NO! Must be strong! It’s time Planitia became a game rather than a tech demo.